Abstract We present a comprehensive analysis of low-energy signals of hypothetical scalar leptoquark interactions in lepton and kaon transitions. We derive the most general effective four-fermion Lagrangian induced by tree-level scalar leptoquark exchange and identify the Wilson coefficients predicted by the five possible types of scalar leptoquarks. The current constraints on the lep... https://www.roneverhart.com/Nerds-Laffy-Taffy-SweeTarts-Trolli-Halloween-Candy-Assortment-50-Piece-Bag/